I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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