Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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