she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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