If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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