my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize