i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize