i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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