Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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