I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize