the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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