this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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