Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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