I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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