i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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