I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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