You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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