So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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