I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize