I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize