Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize