so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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