Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize