dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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