then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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