I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize