and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize