Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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