I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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