I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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