I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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