I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize