i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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