I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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