Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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