tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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