Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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