I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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