I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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