last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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