I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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