We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize