So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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