walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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