he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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