dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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