lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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