im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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