It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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