So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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