I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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